A couple of months ago,  things were really tough, just little things in everyday life that pile up.  It may have had something to do with the time of my life combo with a hectic schedule.. or my quite possibly my outlook on life, I’m not entirely sure, but I knew I had to get a grip on things or we would have a bad spiral of badness. I kind of just need to vent I guess, because I feel like few people are listening to what I have been saying lately. Who really wants to hear what I have to say? So I guess that’s why I have a blog, to just talk and who ever wants to actually take the time to read it can do so, but I never get any comments!! *hint hint! I wanted to change around my blog since it has clearly been unused lately (like almost an entire year) so now I have changed it both literally and symbolically. Just wasn’t ready to let it go but now I’m ready to start writing again and take back my life! My first two years in college have been eye-opening but also very busy where I have a difficult time finding time to do anything, assignments, rehearse or write a blog! I used to be so “with it.” I had semi-good study habits pre-college, to the point where I could at least maintain good grades, I was full of energy, I think I was inspiring, happy, a go-getter I guess, and now, going into college, I am not any of those things anymore. I feel like I have let practically everyone down in my life, multiple times. I couldn’t seem to remember things easily. I just can’t believe how off I have gotten. It makes me sad, the answer is simple though, just change the way I’m looking at things, and the things I’m looking at will change ;). I used to preach that to everyone. The world is how you think it is, if you don’t like it, think differently and change it. We all have the power to do so, but lately I seem to have lost that ability and am searching for it. I just don’t know where it is. I’m looking. I’m going to get counseling, I think it will help me organize my life in categories maybe, and I can focus on them one at a time, and eventually, I can be back to normal. The people I have met this year, really don’t know the real me. What the heck happened to get my life so out of whack!? College? First semester was wonderful, I loved what I was doing for myself, it felt good to be expanding my brain, and to be concentrating on my passion, as well as being social and finally out of that damn high school atmosphere! All good things. I didn’t study as hard as I should have, I think that’s maybe one reason things went awry, because I then started to fall behind. Feeling challenged. Being challenged is a good thing, but it was so much challenge, it forced me to give up. I no longer had time to devote to certain things like self analyzation, and kapooie! out the door my character went. Then I was sleepy all the time. Failing a majority of my classes and it all seemed just too fierce to face. Then a grand opportunity hit, just by meeting one person in Wal Mart who seemed to have a little faith in me and gave me hope for a brighter tomorrow, that I could have a great future, and feel happy, if I just worked for it! It instilled something in me, a drive to do better and to try! I am so thankful he approached me. I would have hated to see what would have happened to me if I stayed in that sorrowful state of mind for just a couple months longer. Misery loves company!! That saying couldn’t prove anymore true now having experienced that rough patch of my life. Now I am taking vitamins and excersizing, feeling so much better about myself and THINKING POSITIVE!! That really is the trick. Build yourself up everyday to instill a sense of authority and eliminate the negatives we tell ourselves! Choose to be positive, make a choice to be happy-and you (I actually am referring to myself.. but YOU too) strive to do that, there’s not a doubt in my mind we couldn’t do it. It’s really just about taking control of your life, and with that comes taking responsibility for all of the things we cause ourselves! Nobody but yourself to blame. Then once you figure out how to do that, one has to actually keep it going, consistently! Yea sure, it’s a challenge but you will have a great result from doing so, reap many rewards!! Every day I strive to perform good and be remembered in the best of ways. I need to generate some positive affirmations I can re-read everyday to succeed and win and pull myself up out of this funk. I am strong and I cannot fail!


“The amount of happiness you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

A new type of communication

The other day I was talking with my mom about music, she doesn’t know a whole lot on the subject, no more than most people, little black dots on lined paper that make rhythms and is then called a song. Some may know a little more or less. But I was onto something with music theory and was trying to the best of my ability to relay the information to her, so she would understand. Then, something amazing happened. It wasn’t just inventive listening, although that’s what most people would call it, instead our minds really connected, she understood what I was saying even knowing next to nothing about music. It was because she was listening the way she was. It’s really quite difficult to explain but from that point we were both amazed and decided to explain this weird phenomenon of listening. It was hard to come up with the right sentence structure so I began to just write random words that described the energy we were feeling. Now that I have this big brainstorm of words, I’m going to try to make something of it: When someone is trying to communicate something not so easy to another, all they have to do is lock into one another. For one thing, the person receiving the information must have a desire to hear it, otherwise nothing will work, if they truly want to understand they try harder to understand; simple concept. And of course, the person explaining must be serious and enthusiastic so the listener doesn’t become bored. Two main guidelines.

K, so then our heads connected.  Her open imaginative intelligent  mind followed me, trusted me that my words would lead her to another place, where she would visualize what I was saying. We both focused on the thoughts, not only on the same page, but on the same line and everything, if you get my metaphor! We were mentally sharing the same ideas. At the time this seemed so huge, because we were both so involved, truth be told I’ve never connected with anyone like that before, I can’t wait to do it again, especially that now that I have experienced that, I know our minds are capable of so much more! When someone is so focused on what I’m saying, something amazing happens. Or maybe next time I will be the listener and someone else will be the speaker explaining something complex to me, and I will understand EXACTLY what they are trying to portray to me. I know this doesn’t sound that great but it really was! Alright so it was my mind and her mind took a trip up up to higher conscientiousness, the place of infinite possibilities. Our minds created a bridge to one another. Everything ever created, everyone’s beliefs and thoughts (shaped by society) was below us for a couple of moments, as long as it took to establish this subject. Under the bridge linking our minds together was a waterfall of all the things I was saying. Like all waterfalls, it had mist, the mist, I like to think, represented the ideas and concepts we absorb from mentally sharing these ideas. My mind took it even farther and pictured little fearies flying around in the mist and in the waterfall that represented little subthoughts we would encounter from just saying words, for instance, at one moment I said pause, as I tried to gather my thoughts so I could better explain and then a sub_though came into my mind that said need a twix, because I wrote the two lines for the pause symbol and it reminded me of the twix commercials and then I wrote as if replying, “yes.” That was a sub-thought. Then we remembered exactly what we were saying. Our minds were so competent and able to keep up with each other. Of course this feeling had to come to an end, I had all these words written on the paper and had to do something with them, so this is it. A new kind of communication!

The most annoying thing EVER and what I can do to stop it.

Okay so the biggest pet peeve I have, and I’m confidant to say that like 90% of you are victim of this, is pouring syrup improperly! I should be a professional syrup pourer! Any one who knows me knows I CAN’T STAND IT when people don’t know how to pour syrup. Seriously though, how hard is it? It amazes me to think how humans, who are so smart and capable of so much, can’t get something as easy as pouring syrup. I know it’s a sticky substance, more so than juice or water, and theres a tiny little hole that could offer some challenges, but come on! If we can go into space, paint beautiful works, play abunch of instruments and understand music, build robots, perform heart surgery on people, ect., THEN WHY CAN’T WE POUR SYRUP!?!? I watch people pour it and I see how careless every one is. It’s almost as if people enjoy being complete and utter slobs. Like when we were small children, some of us liked making a mess, but we’re adults now and it just seems like with syrup, everyone still has the same sloppy behavior and makes a big mess, like it’s fun to get syrup all over the cap. I just don’t understand. I’ll explain:

Step 1: You don’t need to tip the entire bottle upside down (give maybe if there’s only a little tiny bit left, that’s a whole different technique, not even going to talk about that right now). It will come out, secondly you don’t have to squeeze it like you’re trying to kill it. First, depending on how new the syrup is, I’m assuming about 3/4 full, just hold the bottle parallel with the surface, then if needed tip it just a little bit, like 3, 4 degrees. At this point the syrup still may not be coming out; it’s okay! IMPORTANT NOTICE: If the syrup is brand new! DO NOT hold it parallel, in that case, just tilt it about 10 to 15 degrees….

Step 2: Ever so slightly, squeeze it very gently, you will get a nice even flow of syrup. Brace yourself, you may have never poured syrup like this before! You can move your hand around while keeping the same amount of even pressure on the bottle. All around the plate, la de da, syrup syrup (see. you can still have fun with it)

Step 3: Here’s the tricky part, when you find you have enough and want to stop pouring, just stop squeezing. SO MANY people make the mistake of just radically jerking the bottle up thinking the syrup will stop, neatly, but does it ever? Nope. That is how my technique is different (better). So stop squeezing. If you’ve done everything right up until this point, the syrup should stop flowing out of the hole, but never fear, if it is still going for some reason, just stop squeezing and SLOWLY tilt the bottle up to it’s upright position (not jolting it out of fear!) Slow really is key in this instance. This prevents ANY syrup from getting on the entire cap, or bottle. My entire bottle is clean! Yes, I’m that good! You can be too! No sticky-ness that is disgusting to touch or worse yet, trying to fight opening the cap because it is  so solid on there that it acts as a glue. I don’t have that problem, and you no longer have to suffer either!

If you just try my technique I can’t get mad, even if you do get a little it of syrup on the cap or bottle, just clean it up and keep practicing. At least you’re making an attempt. You will eventually get it. Remember, don’t be nervous. When my friends are using my syrup, they know I’m watching them very intently, I think it makes them nervous, then they end up making a mistake and getting syrup on the bottle. Just trust yourself and have faith that you will do it correctly. If you try really hard NOT to make a mess, you won’t. Pass this on so we can make the world a better place. Teach your children the right way to pour syrup. Maybe eventually the whole world will pour syrup the right way. What a beautiful day that will be.

Interesting and quite fitting

“Music, feelings of happiness, mythology, faces warn by time, certain twilight’s and certain places, they want to tell us something, or they told us something that we should not have missed, or they are about to tell us something; this imminence of a revelation that is not produced is, perhaps, the esthetic event” -Unknown

The Perplexity of People

For some reason I am so astounded by other people, now this could get a little confusing, I’ll try and keep it simple…. We are so interesting. The resemblance in our behaviors to that of animals is so baffling. The masculinity and femininity in nature, in animals, and in people is quite appalling and perfect in my eyes. Representations of the divine! What is really quite astonishing about people is their own sense of unique-ness, the individuality that is in everybody.  I think one’s style should be admired (for those that have it anyway), it makes them who they are, it’s what they want to put out to the world. Then there’s body shape! We’re all so similar but body shapes, emotions, intentions, lifestyles, ect. make us so different from one another. Personalities! Some people are hilarious, some kind hearted, some people are spunky (those are my favorite, there’s just something about spunky people, they are like a people magnet, everyone wants to be around them, constantly, what makes that person so likable? I would like to know!) some are rude and haven’t figured out how to cope in this world and manage things, sadly. Everyone is just so interesting! Mingling, getting to know one another is so much fun, to see into that persons mind, heart, and soul.  (providing they open up to you and let you, that’s another story). Learning how to contend to one another, it takes quite a while actually.  I like the up close and personal things about people, and life: talking about stuff that makes you uncomfortable, obtaining a deeper understanding of everyone, sometimes vulnerability happens and insecurity; but those things are necessary for life. You may be thinking I’m strange for actually liking that but the way I see it is you have to go through those feelings, you have to discover them, learn from them and the feeling it gives you is actually really cool, it’s basically just stepping outside of your comfort zone, which needs to happen a little bit in life, either willingly go with it or it’s gonna happen anyway, might as well anticipate it than have it catch you off guard uh? I’m getting off track here aren’t I? Okay, all these differences should be celebrated, and I just love them, individuality, the way some people are just beautifully sculpted… I love it all. Eyelashes, feet, the curvature of feet, the delicacy of fingers and hands, hands being able to craft so much, the way hands look gripping a coffee cup, or writing. Specific people come to mind when thinking about this: my boyfriends Mom, Andy’s Sister! Both have very nice hands, admirable. I like my own, just not as much as other people’s. Then there’s Zeke’s, the opposition of mine, the masculine. Wow. People in general are just amazing. Seriously! I’m so perplexed by human life I can’t even begin to describe it! Serious. I’ve been working on this blog for months! Just saving it in my drafts, adding to it sometimes copy and pasting things all over the place to make it flow more easily…. That’s why it’s so scatter-minded, because every time I sit down to write it I’m in a different mind frame! But all in all, I love people and think that individuals should celebrate more, celebrate human life, for it is GRAND! It doesn’t seem recognized enough, it should be a daily ritual, to honor one’s self and other individuals we come into contact with every day. It really is great and I feel people undermind it.